Part One: Narcissism Identified

When did it happen? Culture began to shift, and we took our eyes off the wheel. We look around and see a culture that is selfie adept but unable to recount what the people around us need. We are chin-deep in a narcissistic culture, but what does that even mean? Empathy, like Latin, is a dead language. Likewise, civility and kindness are becoming distant memories. If we are going to prepare people for Love and relationship, we had better “flatten the curve” of narcissism. We need to understand what it really is and collectively agree it’s time to stop feeding narcissism.

What is Healthy Narcissism?

We need to understand that the narcissistic culture doesn’t just mean we are self-centered. It’s essential to grasp that being a diagnosable narcissist (NPD) isn’t just being a jerk. How can we stop an enemy we don’t even understand? Dr. Craig Malkin sheds light on the term from a professional perspective, but we can easily digest it in terms.

In Rethinking Narcissism, Malkin explains that narcissism exists on a scale. When we conflate it with a jerk or ***hole, we miss the fact that we all are narcissistic to a degree. WE NEED TO BE. If you are too far on the negative end of the narcissism scale, you don’t fully appreciate your worth. You don’t believe you are unique and can make a difference in the world. Such low self-appraisal is very dangerous. Yes, it’s time to stop feeding narcissism, but we need enough to believe we are special. Without it, how will we help others see value in themselves?

What Defines a Narcissist?

If we allow ourselves to embrace a little narcissism, how can we tell when we have dipped too deep into the other side of the scale? To be high on the narcissistic scale takes us to NPD, also known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Let’s use a the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) to lay out what the criteria for that is:

• grandiose sense of self-importance
• preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power brilliance, beauty, or ideal Love.
• the belief they’re special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with other special or high-status people, institutions
• need for excessive admiration
• sense of entitlement
• interpersonally exploitative behavior
• lack of empathy
• envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them
• demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes

Cultural Narcissism

If we can wrap our heads around what narcissism looks like in individuals, it’s not a far stretch to understand what it looks like in a culture or group. To illustrate, if we all believe we deserve the best, that others should be happy in a supportive role to our superior plans, we can see that the hope of community and symbiotic relationships are lost. If we starve a culture of empathy, we can forget about strong relationships, functional family units, and cohesive workplaces.

Obviously, If we all think we are the center of the universe, we will all live in constant competition. To live in a narcissistic culture is to enter into the survival of the fittest paradigm. But, unlike it exists in the natural world, there are no packs or herds. It’s each one of us for ourselves. In short, we can see; clearly, we do not want a culture steeped in this poison. So, we agree too much is not a good thing. It’s time to stop feed narcissism.

Good News and Bad News about Narcissism

There is both good news and bad news when it comes to narcissism. The good news is that not everyone has NPD. To clarify, they only consist of .05-1.0 % of the total population. Conversely, being such a small part of the human race, they sure create a big mess. They reach into the circles they exist in, like a parasite, and attack the community members and the community itself. They cannot coexist with anyone peacefully for long. As a result, the more equipped we are to recognize the dynamic of narcissism in people and cultures, the faster we can neutralize the damage they do.

More good news is that most people are in the middle of the narcissistic scale. They believe they have value and uniqueness; however, they do not need it to exist at others’ expense. Most people can thrive, allowing others to get attention and recognition without jealousy and pettiness. Another bit of good news is there are still many sacrificial and empathetic humans. Consequently, we need to understand that as long as giving and empathetic individuals exist, they will be prey for the narcissistic among us. We need to be proactive and equipped to identify and avoid them adeptly.

It’s Time to Stop Feeding Narcissism

We will divide the task into 3 articles. After this introduction and its application in individuals, we will offer a second one to give practical and actionable ways to recognize and neutralize narcissistic groups and cultures. The third article will be specifically for parents. We will examine what we can do to prevent encouraging narcissism in children. We feed what we want to grow, and it’s time to stop feeding narcissism.

At WorththeWar, we believe the fallout of a narcissistic culture is something called Modern Love. To sum it up, we argue that Modern Love is why we have high rates of Intimate Partner Violence and abuse. Narcissism in the culture is a big part of the wounding we see around us. If you want to know more about our view and what we are doing about it, please check out What is Modern Love Anyway?

We’d Love to have you join us as we fight for healthy Love and relationship!

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