I don’t remember when I noted that sacrifice had become a dirty word. If Love is a verb, sacrifice is just one more way we can demonstrate it. So why do we feel a little cringy when we hear it? As a person of faith, I get it. We take a marker, draw a line through the things we want, things we are willing to give up and call it a sacrifice. But it’s not that simple. Rather it’s laying a lamb across an altar or tweaking an agenda; it’s never been about suffering for someone or something.

Sacrifice as a Gift

Sacrifice is maligned when we limit it to mean loss or destruction. To close that circle and ignore that sacrifice can also be a choice to give up a lesser good for a greater one. Simply put, we can sacrifice for the greater good. Sacrifice is a way to support one another. We can sacrifice to honor a person or even a God. The pain of loss is not the focus. The focus is the gift. That gift reminds us that sacrifice is not a dirty word.

In the example of a God, it’s usually a placeholder. We offer a sacrifice in the place of another. In the division between God and us, the primitive motivation was to place the sin that divides us from God on the altar and burn it. The burning of the lamb was a temporary fix for a final bridge that came to us in the form of a gift.

A Gift Among Equals

In the case of sacrifice between equals, it’s a gift given for the support and well being of another. There may be a cost, but we offer the gift freely. The gift is Love. The focus is Love. What someone else needs or wants is more important than what we lay down for them to have in the moment of sacrifice. It is not a forced or coerced offering. If so, it’s not a sacrifice but rather manipulation or payment. Sacrifice is not a dirty word because it is the bridge that brings two people to the same place of peace and joy.

Twisting of Sacrifice into a Weapon

When we willfully redefine the choices that lift another over ourselves to be a guilt offering, we twist the gift of sacrifice. In that maneuver, we cheapen our free will. Sacrifice becomes a dirty word when self-centered living becomes the greater good. What if the argument that brought us to believe that is wrong? What if we bought a lie and are losing joy every day we don’t illuminate its falsity?

Happiness and Self Focus

Just a few days ago, Life Hack Published an article: 7 Reasons Why Selfishness Is The Key To Happiness. It is a great example of the argument that being selfish is a better way to go. The problem is that it assumes much about what sacrifice and other-centeredness are. It assumes that being sacrificial and other-centered equates to people-pleasing and seeking external validation. It assumes there is a weakness in pouring out to others. They argue that it is done with the goal of security and fulfillment like a payoff.

Real Sacrifice is Powerful

Far be it from me to argue with the ‘Me first’ culture, but heck, let’s do! We are in this deep already! When we have a healthy sense of our value and our worth, we are in a position to choose to sacrifice and serve without creating a deficit. We can be so solid on who we are and what we need. Anything that overflows is a gift we can pour out that only lightens our load. What if we actually need a lot less than we think we do, and we are free to share and sacrifice in a place of security and peace? What if sacrifice isn’t a dirty word at all?

Sacrifice as Freedom From Wanting More

When I was a kid, I used to get jealous of whoever got the biggest cookie, the most gifts, or the prettiest dress. One day I realized that my comparing was sucking the good out of everything I had. Keeping accounts of my piles or my achievements left me alone and using I & Me a lot! Here is a link from the Journal of Research in Personality that reveals that the” I” and” Me “of life don’t feed peace in our relationships. We can decide if our goal of peace is for self alone or connected with the people we want in our lives. If we desire community, a self-centered vision is not the best way to create it.

“Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you’re not really losing it. You’re just passing it on to someone else” 

Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Sharing From Abundance

That internal accounting finally brought me freedom when I started looking at places I could voluntarily pour out; how it felt to focus on the good my hands could do instead of the goods my hands could hold. Sacrifice stopped being a dirty word at that very moment. I realized I had a beautiful gift only I could give. Noone else can pour rightly from my bounty. No one else can give of my effort or focus except me. I can pour that out like water on parched ground, and, for me, it is freedom from clutching.

In the pursuit of happiness, we are often self-centered. I want ice cream, I want to watch my favorite TV show, I want this woman or man as a partner. This hedonic principle can lead to pleasurable states when I am able to consume. But it can also lead to unpleasant situations when I don’t get what I want.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sense-time/201610/gaining-happiness-losing-yourself

Sacrifice Restored

We never had to turn to selfishness to usher in our peace. The culture created a false dichotomy between being fulfilled by being self-focused and in limited connection with those who competed with our status; or in relationships riddled with giving up what really makes us happy. We bought it hook, line, and sinker, still finding ourselves connected in ways that left us vulnerable. Engaging in Modern Love connections that were transaction-based and shallow. We cannot have both, and the cost of sacrifice is the price of admission to share a life worthy of the label Love.

“to focus on the good my hands could do instead of the goods my hands could hold.”

WorththeWar

Connection Created In Sacrifice

I argue sacrifice is not a dirty word. After all, a gift is freely given and not a net loss. It frees us to enjoy the hearts and faces of others, it is the gift that encourages us to be both complete and esteemed. In our abundance, we share the value with those in our circle. We can be both complete and sacrificial. Putting the needs of others high and still Loving ourselves. It’s possible to find connections that are solid and healthy.

We need not toss the beauty of connection for the fulfillment of appetite. We are the editors of our appetite and how we choose to feed it. I choose to lay it down and lift myself from the bondage of it all. Sacrifice is not a dirty word, and it’s freedom from the tyranny of always wanting more. I am lifted by the connections and joy of pouring out, and my circle has room for more!

Real Love Sacrifices Joyfully

We can have it all. We can hold more joy and peace by letting our hands fall open. If you agree we need to ReThink our views of Love & relationship, please join us in our growing community! We are on Instagram, Twitter and growing on Facebook and YouTube as well. Find us and chime in, suggest topics, and join the conversation! If you want a good look at our mission’s basis, check out our article What is Modern Love Anyway? We Would Love to have you join us!