Fall comes and with it hurricane season. Unlike the cocktail, there is nothing sweet about it. Deep, dark brackish water filling homes with the aroma of dying aquatic life. No air-conditioning as you rummage through your furniture and belongings. While you are trying to salvage what you can but keeping as little of the smell as possible!   The streets are filled with debris, overturned vehicles and felled trees…you get the idea. Hardly a romantic setting to create a mood. Truth is, your Love life may need a storm.

We tend to think of the celebrations of life when we long for a romantic partner. But most of  life is work and more work. We paint the picture that it will be the vacations, late night dinners, holidays and fresh lingerie. Reality is actually paper plates, rushing to get the kids to practice and getting the car washed. Reality has a way of butting into our best laid plans.

Preparation is Protection

When a hurricane is spotted there is a warning issued. There are days to prepare. It is a little eerie, you sit on a perfectly calm beach. sun shining and the water looking like glass.  You know there is huge storm brewing a few hundred miles a way. It is barreling straight at you,  a bullseye on your head and yet, you keep living.  Loving someone is like that. When you choose the person you want to build a life with, you are overwhelmed by your good fortune. You know there will be storms, days you wonder if they are crazy, mean or a combination of the two.  Deep down you know they will wonder the same about you. This is when you understand that in every Love life there will be a storm. You know there will be hard times, but there are things you can do to prepare. 

Instead of buying boards you can build trust so when the storm comes you know WHO they are. You can put together a game plan to communicate when everything goes south. Share important things like the best way to approach you is when you are really, really mad. Is it in writing? text? taking a few days so you can reset? going for a walk together? taking a boxing class together?(haha) You need to know how you get your head together. Things can get really bad. I have seen things in loving relationships that would curl your hair. But the reality is: nothing is a guaranteed death blow except walking away for good. The difference between a Love life that lasts and one that doesn’t is how prepared they are for the storm.

Take an Love Life Inventory

Before a Hurricane arrives you take pictures. You photograph the rooms, the storage rooms and the structure. You should do the same with your Love. Do you take stock of your memories? Can you appreciate the things you have shared, collected and built on? Do you intentionally consider the one you Love. Do you ever sit and think of all the ways you are so well suited to walk through life together? If you don’t ever take stock of what you have, how can you possibly protect it? Spend your resource of time taking stock of the good things you share. Don’t let the storm catch your Love life unaware. If you do you risk it all. The day after the storm arrives you may not have fire to fight for what you share.

Sometimes Storms Wake Up Love

A storm is a challenge and sometimes we humans need challenges!  As you look at your life there is something to be said for fighting a common enemy.  Love thrives when it shares the fight, when it encourages and builds each other up for the collective ‘We’.  We are a bored culture. Idle minds finding ways to spend time often soaking in propaganda from a small glass screen in our hands. Modern culture is filling our expectations with fantasy and utopian images. It leaves us with unrealistic expectations. Anything real is doomed to seem lack luster.

We buy the lies; only to lose the greatest things because we forget to value them while they are ours. We need to keep ourselves focused and intentional about our goals for our Love lives. Our actions should be deliberate and dialed in to protect our love and our future. Regret is a brutal enemy, avoid it all costs.

Evacuation Can Be Temporary

Sometimes storms require us to evacuate our Love Life as they do a beach front home. It’s only the foolish who pretend we should sit out a category 4 storm. People do it, but often at the expense of other lives. Rescue workers deserve our wisdomin a storm, and our partners in a breech of trust. There are times in life for a break. They may be painful but good can come from enduring pain for your parter’s need to be whole.

It is not uncommon for someone to need time to reset their hearts. Not everyone can plow through injury, not everyone can jump back into the fight when they are hurt. You have to know who you love and allow them the time and space they need to heal. I am not advocating a permanent end to the relationship. I am saying take some time apart to think, go for walks alone and reset your level of comfort.

If there has been a bigger breach of trust it may take longer. The storm may be more serious. Still, if you have two people who love each other, time is not an enemy. Pushing yourself into the storm is dangerous. You risk causing more damage. If you love someone, you should be willing to give them the time and space they need. . To respect what they need to cope.  It’s a fool who thinks they can fight the Storm alone. But it’s even more foolish to fight the need for safety in the human heart. If you really love them, you can give them what they need to heal. A Love life isn’t destroyed by a storm, but it may be reorganized by the storm.

The Rainbow in Your Love Life

A healthy love can get off track. It’s not uncommon for builders to make small or large mistakes in construction. The building may hold together but not as solid as it should. There may be mistakes revealed by a storm that would have remained concealed. In the end, it’s the same in Love when the storm ravages a couple’s Love life. You might just find there are some weaknesses you didn’t know about until the rafters were laid bare.

Be grateful for the winds, you might just be saved by them. Beauty out of ashes is the best description I can offer. We all know the saying, “ What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”. Cliche as it may be, it’s dead on true. We can rebuild stronger. Furthermore, let’s take joy in the wonder of loving someone so much that there is no obstacle too overwhelming. Deep down, we all have the desire for permanence built into our hearts. We stamp the desire for forever out in the race to have more sex, more partners and more drama ; but what that  actually brings us is loneliness, sadness and a life where there is no one person to trust. We cultivate a lens of cynicism that even marriage can’t fully disable. 

Storms Teach Lessons

In the end, enduring a storm will remind you what you are made of; and what the one you love made of! You will be reminded you have a Love life worth protecting and rebuilding. Without a doubt, if you found a healthy heart you are fortunate. You found someone who gets commitment in a world that acts like it’s a burden. Maybe you even found a person who sees the world from the same vantage point. Obviously it is getting harder and harder to do.

Most of all, be grateful if you found a person who is built for the long haul. While, there are millions of people but not many of them will be equipped to walk by your side. How many have the kind of character that can stand through a life changing storm.  Find them, protect them, nurture them. No matter how hard the wind blows or the waves pummel, never let them go. 

Love Well or not at all.

If you think we can do a better job preparing people to Love well, you have found the right place! Check out our article on Modern Love and see if you are ready to join us in the fight! https://worththewar.com/what-is-modern-love-anyway/ Here is the video on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BN3bRSTqOMY