In a world where 1/4 young women and 1/10 men experience abuse(1), culture keeps teaching us lessons. Sadly, we often refuse to let them change our path. We see all kinds of relationships from birth to death. At some point, we need to ask ourselves, what are we learning from them? The most dramatic heartbreaks in recent history have been between celebrities and none more prominent than Jelena. Let’s look a little closer at Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber’s Lessons on Love.
If you open Instagram, you will find 3 MILLION posts under the #Jelena hashtag. Jelena is the pop title of the iconic couple. You will find around 20 accounts dedicated to Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. Mind you; He is a married man. On top of that, it has been a minimum of three years since they were even in a relationship. Thirty-four unique hashtags celebrate the couple or make crystal clear they belong together. So what? Why do we care about a celebrity breakup? How does any of this affect anyone?
Lessons of Love and Empathy
Justin and his wife Hailey Bieber recently attended the Met Gala for the first time. It was on the 3rd anniversary of their private wedding. A chant rose over the clicking cameras as the couple approached the photographers, “Selena, Selena, Selena.” Let that sink in. Talk about a mood killer—just one of many crazy reactions. Jelenators have subjected the Beibers and Gomez too. All three of these celebrities have reacted in mature and forbearing ways. Indeed, constant comparisons and intrusions must take a toll.
One of the lessons Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber teach us is that people can be cruel when their dreams are tied to someone else’s Love. The cost is high and sometimes lasts longer than the relationships.
If the lack of empathy and concern for Justin and Justin’s wife isn’t alarming enough, how about the fact that Selena and Justin both said the relationship wasn’t healthy. Both have expressed wanting to move on. None of that matters to Jelenashippers. Yes, there is the actual term for people who worship the idea of Justin and Selena as a couple. Why is the state of two celebrities’ personal lives so crucial to many seemingly unrelated people? The answer is simple, they all share the belief that you can’t mess with the Love that is ‘meant to be.’
Culture is Teaching Us Lessons
All this says a lot more than we realize about our culture’s beliefs about Love & relationship. These ideas reflect the same view that holds many victims in abusive relationships. We know many victims stay long after they become aware it’s toxic. Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber’s lessons on Love may help us illuminate ideas of Love that make it so statistically risky today.
Before the objections flood in, I am not saying that Justin and Selena had an abusive relationship. That is not the point of this article or a topic many people should pretend to speak to intelligently. We are dialing down that thousands of people think a relationship is destiny and not a choice. Finally, we are focusing on Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber’s Lessons on Love to help us better understand this phenomenon. How believing Love is not a choice but destiny contributes to unhealthy relationships and abuse.
ReThinking What Our Mistaken Beliefs Teach Us
The underlying message is that nothing can change who we supernaturally belong to, nothing; not marriage, children, abuse allegations, or even personal preference. If this is the mantra and belief of many people when it comes to Love, we are in deep trouble. Imagine the cost of this line of thinking If you happen to be in an abusive or toxic relationship. If deep down you believe this, it leaves you stuck in a relationship or doomed to be alone. After all, this whole view of Love means it’s useless to hope for a healthier relationship with anyone else.
Trite sayings like, “What is meant to be, will be” or “Love will find a way” are misguided nuggets of anti-wisdom; they convince us we have little to no choice of who we will Love. After all, If Love is the equivalent of a magic spell, we are at its mercy.
Think of how many romantic movies center around a character who ends up with a jerk at the film’s beginning. How many romance novels begin with a lead character who abused, stalked, or mistreated the very person the magical ropes of Love pulled them against their will. Never mind that the abuser usually goes through a complete transformation of character and personality in the last 5 minutes of the movie. Additionally, how about the fact that such changes occur with little or no effort. We all know how often that happens in the real world. Sadly, we learn from watching these stories play out before us over and over. It may not even be a choice but assimilation. The toll of this kind of Love may cost your heart or the heart of someone you Love.
Lessons From Movies
Here is an article that digs deeper into the influence of Movies on Love & relationship.
Holding beliefs like this means we are not controlling Love as much as Love controls us. There is grave danger in letting these kinds of ideas prevent us from asking important questions. Many of these questions are fundamental to building healthy relationships:
- Are we compatible?
- Do our actions reflect our words?
- How healthy are we together?
- How kind do we treat each other?
There are more, but you get the point. If we believe Love is a force we must succumb to, we are made vulnerable to people who use those ideas against us. We know many forms of abuse include mind games. Abusers use these concepts against a target to make them feel powerless. They use Love bombing, trauma bonding, and threats to keep us attached to the fantasy. If we don’t have a healthy and realistic view of Love, we make ourselves bigger targets than we understand.
Even if many of our cultures missed the point of Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber’s lessons on Love, I for one say, “Thank you, Justin & Selena.” Thank you for teaching us that when it’s not working, we can move on. That when we move on, life goes on, and we can be happier, better people. Thanks, Hailey, for doing your best to let unkind and cruel people from sucking your empathy dry. There is much to be learned from what we see played out in popular culture. Imagine getting that message out to those confused by the image and letting it make them miss reality. The heart they save maybe their own.
Join Us As We Spare Hearts
Here is a YouTube video that covers this topic more extensively.
I’d love to have you join our community on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook & Tik Tok as well! You will find those links HERE
Love is WorththeWar. We’d Love to have you join us as we spare hearts by ReThinking Love.
1. https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/fastfact.html